HAPPYGIRL95 on 14052011
Hello! Been long since i updated anyway, MOSTLY due to mid year and stuffs. Have been trying not to fail every single paper and trying my hardest to score. Even though most of the time i gave up easily, i think this year round, i really wanted to do my best. I felt i didn't put in enough effort though. ): Okay, so my last paper will be this coming monday before the start of chinese intensive. Totally sian half. 2 more papers before i can really really rest. /: But not long enough to recover all brain cells lost. Really really not ready for my O's. Okay, so i am really behind my blogging schedule, so i shall rant a lot today.
Firstly, I have really been anticipating today because my legendary album i have been waiting for 2 weeks alrdy! I can like finally place my hands on it! Woke up kinda early today too~ Headed down for breakfast early with momsie ♥ and the rest of the family except my father cause he is in malaysia! O: Headed straight down to yishun after that to collect Homin's album + photobook and poster! (: Totally ripped off the bubble wrap and hung up the poster on my wall immediately once i am in my room. So excited max. (: The poster is humongous can! Can see from the pictures imma like happy girl only right! The best part is also that when i ordered the album, it comes with a mystery photocard, which is either Changmin or else Yunho's. And fortunately, i got CHANGMIN'S!!!! (: Any idea how much all these can make up all my happiness the whole day? LOL.
Okay, so after i ripped it open, and browse through the photobook, i headed to shower to prepare to go down to grandma's house, as they would be celebrating Mother's day. Belated one. Headed down to lavender and ended up when reach there, they say postponed to 2 weeks later and celebrate together with Father's day. Whut?! LOL, okay nvm. I somemore call down michelle to tell her, end up she cancelled her plans for nothing! But i guess it's kinda okay cause we haven't seen each other in ages and missed each other a lot. We caught up quite a few and talked a lot. More about the recent happenings in our lives actually. Me, my r/s while her, her friends. Guess we did miss out a lot on each other and am really glad we finally had the time to meet up and stuff. (: We didn't even have enough time to catch up before we had to go and bid farewell to each other. I guess we will catch up 2 weeks later, where i made her promise to cancel all events on that day and come celebrate mother's day cum part 2 of catching up! :D Then there was this epic moment of the whole day, after i ate lunch at Golden mile, i headed up to my grandma's house and i was on twitter and saw Joreen's tweet about finally getting her hands on teenage magazine which has homin in it, i immediately wore back my shoes and rushed down to seven eleven to get the mag. LOL. I was so happy at that point of time, i msged joreen thanking her for her tweet. She even said today is Homin Day! LOLOL!! :D
Well, and then the bad news comes while on the way home, heard from my mom that my another grandma is like sick. She has been sick since last week and i am really worried. Actually didn't plan to go down and visit her as usual cause it's usually my dad that sends us there and my mom and i were really lazy to bring the rest down. But after hearing that she is still sick, i guess i really have to go down and visit her. I really have a bad feeling about this. On top of that, my cousin staying over there did something unhumane. I don't wanna dry dirty laundry out for all, so i shall skip this part. ): Just simply put, i am fcking worried about her. After visiting her tomorrow, and probably bring her some herbal soup or something, whole family will be going to town! (: Shall do some relaxing shopping and forget all about amaths! LOL. I still got paper 2. Totally no mood to practise for it. Aiyah, practise also fail one. -.- Whatever. Really need shopping to calm my nerves!
After reaching home, i really began thinking back about what happened almost 2 months back. Really hurts. And I am really pissed off. So i shall rant. NOW.
To: Whoever or whatever you wanna name yourself/Bastard is a good suggestion.
Really really really. I really treasure the past 2 years. After all that messed up crappy fuck thingy, i really still miss you and stuff. Been trying hard to forget whatever you did to me. Whatever you did to me for the past few months before you gave me that crap, no matter how hurt i said i was and how painful is it, you just treat it as nothing. I loved you too much for my own good i guess. The next day, seeing how happy you was and shit, thinking how could you treat me like im just glass when crap just happened the day before. You didn't even have the fucking heart to at least try to cover up your smiles and act like you are sad or something. You lived life like nothing happened. Whattheshit. I bet you even felt like the happiest man on earth cause you are finally free from me and that you can finally get together with another person. I was trying to live life normally, was almost there. Not really, but i put in tremendous amount of effort. And then i have had to hear rumors. Couldn't actually believe it till i asked you myself and you confirmed it. My heart just stopped right there and then. True, you can lead your own life now. All that crap you gave me about studies? Bullshit. If not, why is it you can find me a replacement within a month?! Wondering how i knew? Well, ask the friend, you so much wanted to patch back with even though you know i don't like it when i am still with you. Tsk. No matter how much you try, seems like your friend is bent on betraying you. Seriously, my advice? Keep away from her. But, i don't think you will just give a damn about what i said. Have been helping you to not get into trouble when you were in school, to prevent you from losing your friends, to prevent you from getting hated by your cohort. I tried to salvage everything i had created in the first place. So what if i started it? Why would i have to bother about it when it isn't my problem? I could have just left you there to die and rot and whatever. -.- I didn't. I did the best i could, driving myself against my wishes, driving myself almost crazy. A thank you is all i got. In return, i got even worse eff-ed up attitude from you. Lesser texts- cause you simply can't be bothered. And even, i got a shattered heart. Thinking back, why did i even bother in the first place when i am not even appreciated for what i done for you. Selfish bastard. You just think that once you are okay, you don't even give two hoots about what's gonna happen until you are almost in trouble again. On the other hand, i knew partly because when you were still with me, you didn't even bother texting me till like 4 plus 5pm. One day, i recieved a text from you about 2 plus pm. Which is rare at that period of time. The text said "A*****, i am done." WOW! You had time to text others but no time for me. So back to when the rumors started they said many things. Even had names for me to guess. Obviously, from there, i knew that all the effort i put in the past few months was effortless. There WAS already another girl in your heart. During the times when we were on the verge, i got you back. 23rd may 2010. The first time. 20th march 2011, we're gone for good. I still remember when you said we were exposed. Seriously speaking, up till now, i still detest your sister and your mom. Just because i hang out with my sister which is the 'famous ah lian there' doesn't mean i am with bad company. I stopped frequenting with her because of YOU! Whatever i do, its just wrong. No matter what, i was never ideal for you in your mother's eyes. Before your sister exposed you, i almost lost you. I took so much great pains, getting you back. For once, i wished you could just understand. You never made the effort. Never. However i tried to change, you never even bothered. Even though i made the effort. I was over the moon, overjoyed, ecstatic, whatever you call it, when i finally got you back. I thought i could finally rest after getting you back. I was tired. Drained. Who knows? The battle began again 2-3 weeks later. Why did they have to do tht? You promised me after O's. And after? You just dumped me aside completely, saying this wasn't about promises anymore. Seriously? Sure enough i was never the top piority in your life in the first place. But don't you think you got too far at that point? I held on no matter what my friends told me. Crying almost every night, trying my best to get you back again. In return, short texts, fucked up responses, can't be bothered attitude. Even the birthday present i got you can't be told it was from me. Liking all the posts on your birthday wishes on your wall by your friends, kena kp by you. Saying your sister can see your notifications. WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO FUCKING TO DO WITH ME? What the fuck is wrong with your family? Whatever i do, in their eyes it's wrong. And you sided them. That's what hurt the most. Believe me, if i am gonna post up the way you text me. I swear it will ruin you forever. But, i will not do that. Or i can. Whatever do i gain again? Just more hate. Really, for once, i wished i could put you through the hell you put me through. All your sorries meant nothing. All my messages to you, long ones, on your birthday and anniversary, i bet that was deleted too. Claiming you cried when i sent them to you. So what? Ended up, you just took me for granted. I gave the best i could to you, i wanted everything i did for you to be worth it. Telling me you were actually happy without me texting you they day before? Your day went quite well? Cold shoulders? Thinking the hard way would work. And it did. Congratulations.
Everyday, i hoped we could get back together again, wishing you had deleted the messages in your old phone. Right now, you would still have been rightly mine. We would still have our ups and downs and overcome them. I guess you can't really be bothered anymore. Replying me in a sarcastic manner, or so i thought. Cried when i saw the difference in my bills, thinking. Neglecting what i once had. I want you to go through the same hell hole. I really wanted it to happen to you. Up till now, no matter how much hate i put it in you, it was never enough to cover up the memories we once had. I still miss you, love you, hoping you would come back. And yet hate you at the same time.
All the best.
To: your friends.
Talking about us behind our back was fun wasn't it? Or even saying it right at his face. Banana and Watermelon? Not compatible?
What the fucking hell do you guys know? I behave like ah lian, doesn't even mean that we can't love. I am after all human. You guys just think oh well, she won't know a single shit, dumb ass. Well, i know. Does being bigger in size a crime? Yes, i do use it to scold others when i am pissed off. But using it to mock? You guys have no life. Being fat does not equals to having no rights to love! Having a companion smaller/bigger than you is in the wrong? Have you guys ever tried being in that kinda shoes? I have nothing for you guys except; stupid, ignorant, know-it-alls. Don't ever fucking judge a person's relationship based on their looks. You guys won't go far.
To: Ball-less
Well, hello. I am very sure you do read my blog. Actually i have a lot to rant about you. No worries. (: I will dedicate one blogpost just for you. No worries.
For you; don't ever effin' treat my friends as jokes. And stop using me and him as a topic of your stupid conversations. Blame yourself and big mouth. And maybe if you aren't bitchy and gossipy enough to spread the stuffs between us, i wouldn't have hated you that much. -'-
And, i guess i am done for now. I realised i blog better near midnight. I shall do that more often now. I shall go off to sleep after doing this angry post while crying at the same time. Good morning actually. Its 1:31 am now.
JingRong(:
Labels: Homin Day
